


Some Good PR (Maybe)

by bzarcher



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: 80s TV Show Jokes, A-Team Jokes, Fluff and Crack, Inspired by the new highlight intros, Podfic Welcome, With apologies to pretty much everyone, marketing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 20:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13466163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bzarcher/pseuds/bzarcher
Summary: The new Overwatch is trying to clean up their image and let people know they can be trusted again.Lucio and Hana had an idea, and Winston ran with it - but Tracer isn't too impressed.





	Some Good PR (Maybe)

The dark screen came to life as shaky hand-cam footage that appeared to have been taken from a military archive showed a transport flying low over a battlefield, then hovering as several figures dropped out of the troop bay, while a gravely voice began to speak.  
  
_"In 2071, an elite UN sponsored commando force was framed for a crime they did not commit. They promptly broke out of a maximum security prison and shortly after escaped into the Gibraltar underground. Today, still wanted by the world's governments, they survive as soldiers of fortune while attempting to gather the evidence to clear their names._

_If you have a problem, if no one else is willing to help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire..."_

**_The O-Team_ **

Lena stared at the screen as peppy strings and electric guitar music began to play, cutting between action scenes and shots of the various stand ins for members of Overwatch doing their thing.

A smirking man in a knockoff version of Soldier:76’s motorcycling jacket and gear, the fake tactical visor cut to reveal his mouth (and allow him to smoke a long cigar) was shown firing his rifle at a series of cars, somehow blowing out their tires without harming anyone inside. A jump cut and he was now sitting at a desk in civilian clothes (and still smoking the cigar) with his feet up on the desktop, reading a newspaper, then a scene of '76' knocking out an intimidating looking man in a dark suit and glasses with the butt of his gun, and finally marching around some kind of movie set in a monster costume that looked a bit like a big scaly Pachimari, an access hatch open to allow him to raise the cigar to his lips with a smirk.

_Leon Neilson as Commander Jack “Scipio” Morrison_

A beautiful woman with long dark hair flung herself off the back of a truck just before it exploded, a sniper rifle tucked close to her body to protect it as she rolled along the ground. She popped to her feet, sighted in, and fired at something out of the camera shot. The next scenes had her dressed like a variety of military and law enforcement officers as she charmed her way through different offices and situations, everyone apparently ignoring the elaborate tattoo beneath one eye.. Finally a scene of her walking down a street and pausing in surprise as a tall, powerfully built woman in blue and gold armor walked past her, then slid across the roof of a convertible before hopping into the driver’s seat and giving the camera a sly wink.

_Gina Pealman as Captain Ana “Masque” Amari_

An actor in a very realistic gorilla suit, wearing a massive straightjacket and trying to bounce himself off a door, cutting to the same gorilla now wearing a set of heavy earphones and an integrated microphone as he operated some kind of helicopter. Another scene and he was crouching dramatically over something that looked rather like Winston’s tesla cannon, protecting it as bullets sparked off the armor he was wearing, then roaring with fury as he seized the weapon and leapt towards the shooters, and finally sitting atop an overturned truck tire and lovingly dipping a banana into a tub of creamy peanut butter.

_Donnie Jones as “Howlin’ Mad” Winston_

A heavy tracked vehicle flying over a tall cliff, firing from the massive cannon that poked past the tank’s prow, landing in a cloud of dust before it transformed into an omnic with an integrated rifle, firing a few shots at targets out of the frame. Cutting to the same omnic painted in industrial yellow and apparently doing duty as a bulldozer, while in another it was transforming into a turret and shooting at a series of heavy chains that prevented a heavy door from closing to cut off their pursuers. Finally the omnic sat in some kind of a park, carefully holding a flower in one hand while a yellow bird with black stripes landed on its shoulder and began to cheerfully sing along with the theme music as it swelled to a climax.  


_And Featuring_   
  
_BASTION E-54v1.0.3.4_   
_  
_ _As_ **_HIMSELF_ **

 

The lights came up in Winston’s lab as the video came to an end, fading out on the proposed television show’s logo, and she gave Winston an incredulous look.

“You _cannot_ be serious.”

Winston reached up to fiddle nervously with his glasses. “The...ah...consultants..that Hana and Lúcio hired think it would be a good way to get Overwatch back in the public eye and improve our image.”

“But it’s all _wrong!”_ Lena shook her head. “I mean - what are those nicknames? _Nobody_ calls you that! And why is Ana apparently her daughter’s age? And the _title!_ ” Lena crossed her arms over her chest. “Really, though, the _worst_ thing is that they’re making _you_ the pilot.”

“Excuse me,” Winston puffed himself up with exaggerated dignity. “I successfully launched an escape vehicle from the Horizon colony, guided it through Trans-Earth Injection, and successfully landed!”

“You let the guidance computer do all the work,” Lena pointed out flatly, “and you crashed into the ocean.”  
  
“It’s the same thing!”

Lena shook her head at her friend’s protests. “It _really_ isn’t.” She gestured back at the screen. “Anyway - the team doesn’t even make any sense. I mean, Jack, Ana, Bastion, and you? How does that work?”

“It’s _television_ ,” Winston huffed. “Anyway, it’s just a pilot and a teaser trailer. They haven’t even looked at approaching a network.”

Lena tapped her fingers on the table. “I suppose it makes sense to see if anyone would be interested. But it really _is_ crap, luv.”

Winston shrugged. “Like I said - television.”

Lena went quiet, turning that over for a minute. “So…”  
  
Winston raised an eyebrow. “Mmm?”   
  
“ _If_ this takes off,” Lena asked, “when do I get to show up as a guest star?”

**Author's Note:**

> This is an absolutely ridiculous and goofy cracky thing, and people should not take ANY of this seriously.


End file.
